My Way or the Highway

Dear Comrades,

I must apologise for my lack of blogging recently. This has been due to taking a break in the Costa Del Broadbottom - well it is with all these folk coming over from Moclin!

There have been some problems in my absence though, namely with Lord Sheldon who has cause me nothing but embarrassment with him giving his Didsbury home to his son whilst claiming expenses on the property. I have had nothing but complaints from fellow comrades in the Peoples Popular Republic of Tameside, so I have no option but to rename the highway.

I have ordered Lord Sheldon Way to be renamed to "Margaret Oldham Way" and in celebration, we are going to add a new piece of artwork which is to be a BRONZE coffin. Comrade J Lane as head of bronze statues is currently commissioning the project to get underway as soon as possible.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Drunk & Driven

Dear Comrades,

As you will of seen in the local press, Comrade S. Smith has been found guilty of drink driving. Now this was due to the court hearing being in Manchester and not Tameside, otherwise I could of twisted the arm of Comrade Lane JP to avoid the shit he has landed me in.

I thought it would be good that a Labour councillor on the liqueur licensing panel is found guilty of drink driving. People complain about the Labour Party being out of touch, but now they have someone with first hand experience on acting irresponsibly with drink. Unfortunately no one sees it like that and I am currently evaluating my options with Comrade S. Smith

The lesson to be learned here is just be like me. As you all know, I have two Jags parked up outside the town hall. In the morning I start the day with a nutritious breakfast by pouring gin on my cornflakes. My chauffeur then comes to pick me up from my socialist citadel in Mottram so I can continue the day as I started, pissed as a fart.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

A Letter to James Purnell

Dear James,

I am the Labour Party. You have worked for it for over twenty years and I have for far longer. We know it owes me everything and it owes you nothing.

I have every right to say what I believe no matter what. I now believe your continued presence as MP makes a Conservative victory more, not less likely in Stalybridge & Hyde.

That would be disastrous for our constituency. This moment calls for stronger rules on accepting MPs from Blair, an active MP, better public relations, an open purse. It calls for a MP that measures itself by how it treats the poorest in society. Those are our values, not yours.

We therefore owe it to our constituency to give it a real choice. We need to show that we are prepared to fight to be a credible dictatorship and have the gaul to offer the same old shit.

I am therefore calling on you to stand aside to give our Party a fighting chance of winning. As such I am telling you to resign from being an MP and the Labour Party.

The Party was here long before you, and I want it to be here long after you have gone. I am doing the right thing by it.

I am the leadership and I am acting with anyone else. My actions are everyone's considered view and there's plenty more where that came from. If the consensus is that you should continue, then I will have no option but to burn your house down.

Fuck off and never come back.

Yours,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

RIP Comrade Wareing

Dear Comrades,

As many of you know, Comrade Wareing has died. I have lost a very dear wife and friend, and Tameside has lost a most excellent politician. She had absolute commitment and passion for the area and the people of Tameside. Oh sorry that was Margaret, what I meant to say was: I've not just lost a fellow political colleague, I've also lost one of my dearest friends. Martin was my Aide-de-camp, or my right hand man for a very good reason - his unswerving support for me and this council as a whole. He loved Tameside in general and Denton in particular and had the kind of friendly disposition which made him one of the most popular councillors we've ever had.

This means another by-election. Kieran Quinn is running the operation in Denton North East. I have told him that this isn't a walk in the park like Newton, we are dangling by a bollock on this. Mind you the Tories are in second place, I will just tell John Bell to go easy on us. He can be easily swayed by my charms - or money.

One of the big questions is who will replace Comrade Wareing as Aide-de-Camp. Well I have had Comrade Bray ask for it, but I had to remind him it wasn't that sort of camp. I really don't know how he slipped through the net, but that's Ashton Labour for you. I told him that there can only be one bent bastard around here and that's me.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

On Deaths Door

Dear Comrades,

You may have noticed that all is not well. I have to face the music and come to terms that I won't be able to lead my glorious empire for years to come. That's why I have got my funeral plan sorted with the Co-Op with the aid of Comrade Robinson.

I have decided that I am going to be preserved and placed in a glass coffin in the Setantii museum at Ashton town hall for the public to show their deepest sympathy for the glorious leader.

Artists Impression

Then Comrade J. Lane, has promised me a 50ft bronze statue to be commissioned of me. It is to be placed slap bang in the centre of Swallow's Wood - a reminder to those "green" people that my legacy still lives on. Comrade Taylor has promised to introduce more Tameside Stasi to patrol the area so scenes such as this don't occur:



There are more plans in the pipeline. Until then, I think I will think over them with a nice bottle of Jack Daniels with the Aide De Camp and general piss pot - Comrade Whitehead.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Get Back to Work

Dear Comrades,

It appears that there is an insurgence of rebels within the Peoples Popular Republic of Tameside. This is all due to trade unions demanding a fair pay.

However Comrade K. Quinn said he had a slight problem of supporting me on cutting the pay of the workers. Even though I have given him the large task of running my economy of Tameside, somehow he fits in a second job as a trade union activist for the Communication Workers Union so he can pay off the villa in Spain. Well I didn't want him speaking out or voting against me in full council, so I told him and his wife to fuck off to the villa to hang around with all the other Labour fuckwits who have been exiled and set-up shop there.

I can't really stress that I can't have anymore embarrassments - especially after the farce of Comrade Kitchen running the council in my leave. I did tell him not to get ideas above his station, but I didn't mean make an absolute fuck-up of everything.

Regards,




Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Jesus Christ - She's Gone

Dear Comrades,

It is with great happiness that I announce the departure of JC (Janet Callender not Jesus Christ) from the Peoples Popular Republic of Tameside.

I ordered her to be exiled after when she turned up to one of my secret executive meetings at my socialist citadel where I put on a nice (spit) roast and she had the audacity to question my plans and advised me to stand down over my ill health. Well this infuriated me, so I told her to fuck off out of my house. It comes to a point where you can put up with so much of her bourgeois bullshit.

I now have Comrade Pleasant acting as chief executive and what a pleasant chap he is too! He has saved me so much time in organising meetings with the press and feeding it back to Chief Blears at the Department for Communism and Local Government.

This treachery from Callender should serve as a warning to those who think they can step out of line as I can easily destroy you, but at the same time those loyal to the cause can be easily elevated.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader