RIP Comrade Wareing

Dear Comrades,

As many of you know, Comrade Wareing has died. I have lost a very dear wife and friend, and Tameside has lost a most excellent politician. She had absolute commitment and passion for the area and the people of Tameside. Oh sorry that was Margaret, what I meant to say was: I've not just lost a fellow political colleague, I've also lost one of my dearest friends. Martin was my Aide-de-camp, or my right hand man for a very good reason - his unswerving support for me and this council as a whole. He loved Tameside in general and Denton in particular and had the kind of friendly disposition which made him one of the most popular councillors we've ever had.

This means another by-election. Kieran Quinn is running the operation in Denton North East. I have told him that this isn't a walk in the park like Newton, we are dangling by a bollock on this. Mind you the Tories are in second place, I will just tell John Bell to go easy on us. He can be easily swayed by my charms - or money.

One of the big questions is who will replace Comrade Wareing as Aide-de-Camp. Well I have had Comrade Bray ask for it, but I had to remind him it wasn't that sort of camp. I really don't know how he slipped through the net, but that's Ashton Labour for you. I told him that there can only be one bent bastard around here and that's me.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

On Deaths Door

Dear Comrades,

You may have noticed that all is not well. I have to face the music and come to terms that I won't be able to lead my glorious empire for years to come. That's why I have got my funeral plan sorted with the Co-Op with the aid of Comrade Robinson.

I have decided that I am going to be preserved and placed in a glass coffin in the Setantii museum at Ashton town hall for the public to show their deepest sympathy for the glorious leader.

Artists Impression

Then Comrade J. Lane, has promised me a 50ft bronze statue to be commissioned of me. It is to be placed slap bang in the centre of Swallow's Wood - a reminder to those "green" people that my legacy still lives on. Comrade Taylor has promised to introduce more Tameside Stasi to patrol the area so scenes such as this don't occur:



There are more plans in the pipeline. Until then, I think I will think over them with a nice bottle of Jack Daniels with the Aide De Camp and general piss pot - Comrade Whitehead.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Get Back to Work

Dear Comrades,

It appears that there is an insurgence of rebels within the Peoples Popular Republic of Tameside. This is all due to trade unions demanding a fair pay.

However Comrade K. Quinn said he had a slight problem of supporting me on cutting the pay of the workers. Even though I have given him the large task of running my economy of Tameside, somehow he fits in a second job as a trade union activist for the Communication Workers Union so he can pay off the villa in Spain. Well I didn't want him speaking out or voting against me in full council, so I told him and his wife to fuck off to the villa to hang around with all the other Labour fuckwits who have been exiled and set-up shop there.

I can't really stress that I can't have anymore embarrassments - especially after the farce of Comrade Kitchen running the council in my leave. I did tell him not to get ideas above his station, but I didn't mean make an absolute fuck-up of everything.

Regards,




Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Jesus Christ - She's Gone

Dear Comrades,

It is with great happiness that I announce the departure of JC (Janet Callender not Jesus Christ) from the Peoples Popular Republic of Tameside.

I ordered her to be exiled after when she turned up to one of my secret executive meetings at my socialist citadel where I put on a nice (spit) roast and she had the audacity to question my plans and advised me to stand down over my ill health. Well this infuriated me, so I told her to fuck off out of my house. It comes to a point where you can put up with so much of her bourgeois bullshit.

I now have Comrade Pleasant acting as chief executive and what a pleasant chap he is too! He has saved me so much time in organising meetings with the press and feeding it back to Chief Blears at the Department for Communism and Local Government.

This treachery from Callender should serve as a warning to those who think they can step out of line as I can easily destroy you, but at the same time those loyal to the cause can be easily elevated.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Saint Jade of Goody

Dear Comrades,

It is with great sadness to announce the death of Saint Jade of Goody who battled with cervical cancer. She leaves a £4m legacy to her two sons before inheritance tax.

What gets me about all this is that I have cancer too and I don't get any mass media attention. I don't have OK or Heat magazine knocking on my door. I am to be re-elected in 2010 and I need as much publicity between now and then to make people think how wonderful I am. But that is all to change as I hire Tameside Council's answer to Max Clifford, Darrell Beck. He will lead my publicity campaign to win back the hearts of the peoples popular republic of Tameside. He has many connections to stop sensationalist reporting in the likes of the Tameside Pradvatiser and the Tameside Unreported as he was once was a former journalist himself for the Pradvatiser.

I must apologize for my lack of attendance at the council offices recently, but the doctors have advised that I take as much rest in my socialist citadel on Back Moor. I hope to see you soon as these house extensions don't pay for themselves!

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Tameside Jobs for Tameside Workers

Dear Comrades,

I would first of all like to congratulate my fellow comrades for their glorious win for the Hyde Newton By-election, even though I think Phil Fitzpatrick is a jumped up prick like his brother. It is a win for Labour and that means a win for Tameside.

As many of you have read recently in the press along with numerous adverts propagating the borough, I have launched the "Tameside Works First" innitiative or also known as "Tameside Jobs for Tameside Workers". It is a line I got from my fellow comrade, Nick Griffin Gordon Brown who said I could use it. It worked for us in Hyde Newton.

We are going to spend £12m on public works in the borough, but we shall use private contractors from Tameside instead of our own staff. I have had many complaints about this as many are saying that this breaks local government procurement laws, but I said fuck it - Sandy will sort it.

I am off now to take my morphine drip.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE.
Executive Leader

Socialism from the Sickbed

Dear Comrades,

As many of you know, I am in for my operation at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport to have my cancerous bladder removed. Many of you may wonder why I have opted for a non Tameside Hospital, this was due to advice from Dr. Kailash Chand who told me that Tameside Hospital was an utter shit hole - however he said it was OK for the likes of you.

Whilst I am away I have left the leaders duties to Comrade Kitchen. If you have any issues then you may mail them to him at joe.kitchen@tameside.gov.uk.

Regards,



Cllr. Roy Oldham CBE
Executive Leader